Broken.
This isn’t going to be a happy post.
But it’s real.
You know that old magic trick, where guy grabs the corner of a tablecloth, jerks it clean off the table, and leaves the place settings of china, glasses, and silver sitting pretty and untouched on the table top? Well, my life’s kinda been like that the last couple of weeks. Except my magician was effed up, ripped the cloth off the table, and sent every dish and glass crashing to the floor. I guess I’m the shards on the floor.
Everything was sparkles, butterflies, and rainbows. Until it wasn’t. Which for me, it always was. But I guess we didn’t feel the same. Which sorta came as a shock to me. Especially considering the past year (or 5) of romantic surprise gifts, fun trips and excursions, not to mention an idyllic week in Mexico just two weeks prior. Wow, really?!?! I still can’t make sense of it in my head.
Confusion. Denial?
And now here we are. And there’s nothing I can do or say to change his mind. Trust me; I’ve tried everything. I feel guilty and I’ll change, but I’ve done nothing wrong. And let’s stay best friends, and I never want to see you again…both cloud my mind. I don’t know how to do either. And he’ll always love me, but that’s so hard to hear (yet I cling to those words).
He’s my whole heart. My whole purpose. My light. How can this be happening?
I can get through this, even though I can’t imagine how right now. I can’t visualize it. I just know this hurts. I never thought I’d be here.
And anyway, I could go on and on, but it’s all about the saddest shit ever, and I thought I’d go ahead and blast it out there because you’ll all be talking about it soon anyway. And now, if you know me, you’ll know why I haven’t been “Bubbles” these last couple of weeks.
So, a positive spin for the end of this drab post, so you’ll know I’m still me…
You can rest assured, I WILL put on some lipstick and pull myself together (Elizabeth Taylor). Because as my momma says, the sun will shine again. And I believe that life is an awfully big adventure (Peter Pan quote?), and I just turned 35 last week, so I’m still young and beautiful (hehe), and there’s a hella lot more of this crazy adventure. We just have to see what’s next. But apparently it’s not this life I chose and carefully put together. So, time to start on a new one. I don’t really have a choice, do I?
And as for the birthday…as terrible as one would think…but saved by my Little Black Dress Brunch the following Saturday with my insanely beautiful and supportive friends and family. It was actually rather glamorous and fun. I’ll post pics when I get my head on straight, promise.
Next step? Well, I had to put on my big girl panties and find myself a place to live. It was exhausting and sad, but I did it. And I found a rather perfect spot for this next phase, and this time next week, I’ll be calling Greensboro home again! DOWNTOWN Greensboro to be exact. And THAT is my happy thought! 🙂 I can do this, right?
Jenny from the Rox 